Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize