hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Holy sore nipples Batman
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
