You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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