I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
