Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
