I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize