that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
