Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
