Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
