i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
