I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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