Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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