Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize