Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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