you would pick up someone in the library
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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