If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
