Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
