Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
