there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
