filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
