Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
