Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Even my vagina gasped.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
