so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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