So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
