Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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