Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
