my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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