goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
