saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
