I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
