nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
