You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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