There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
