yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My vagina is officially offended.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
