I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
