just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
