I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
