i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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