He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
