ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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