Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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