Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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