A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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