If i come over, it means nothing
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
