Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What drink are we having for lunch?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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