My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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