you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
