I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
