I hate all girls vehemently.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
