Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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