Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
