No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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