I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
