bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There r osticjed everywhere
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
