Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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