That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
