I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
