lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
