Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
