her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
