i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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