i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
