If i come over, it means nothing
We're facebook friends in real life
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
