the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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