I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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